Staying on board a boat for an extended period of time tends to change a person's perspective on heaven. I once believed that heaven would be a place of soothing music, harps and cherubic angels, but I now know it's not like that at all.

In fact, heaven is a shower in which you can stand vertical; where the temperature of the water is easily adjusted; the drain water runs out smoothly and efficiently; and the whole cubicle is easily and quickly cleaned and dried when the washing is finished. I have all this on my boat now, and it definitely is heavenly, but it wasn't always thus.

When I first bought the Grand Banks from its previous owner, it had a shower set-up that could only be described as primitive. As in most boats under 50ft, the shower and the toilet were as one - in other words, you shower in the toilet or go to the toilet in the shower, depending on your point of view.

This design compromise often leads to unsatisfactory operation of the toilet and miserable performance by the shower - as was definitely the case with my boat - and was one of the first of many inconveniences to be addressed.

TO-DO LIST
Before attempting to rectify any problems, I made a list of what was wrong with the shower and the toilet.

The first idiosyncrasy was the complete absence of any kind of shower curtain. Showering with the equipment I inherited on the boat soaked everything in the cubicle in the process - hardly a triumph of commonsense design!

The second irritation was the extreme difficulty in adjusting the water temperature. The tap set-up was identical to a normal household shower: a hot and a cold tap controlling the flow of water into the pipe leading to the shower head.

A lot of fiddling was necessary before a comfortable hot/cold ratio was obtained and this meant quite a lot of water was wasted; particularly hot water, which I was pretty short of anyway, but more on that later.

But the worst thing about the system, from my point of view, was that when the wash was over, turning the water off destroyed all those delicate tap settings and meant the whole process had to be repeated for the next shower.

The third design flaw was the method of disposing of the waste water. Like most boats, the floor of the shower/toilet cubicle was below the waterline and the waste water had to be run to some kind of sump, and from there pumped overboard. It was here that a problem surfaced that would not normally arise if a boat was not being continually occupied and the shower used daily.

The problem was caused by soap, which is a mixture of fatty acids and potash. When the average bar of soap is rubbed in the presence of hot water, it dissolves and is washed down the drain with the waste water. Unfortunately as it cools, it turns back into soap again, but it is now mixed with a good deal of human hair - and this produces a binder with the ability to block any sized pipe and stop the operation of any pump with rotating parts. As an added bonus, it also produces one of the most offensive smells possible if left to stagnate for a short period.

THE BEAST WITHIN
The first time I noticed something amiss was during my fifth shower on board. The water around my ankles was definitely getting higher; in fact, if I hadn't stopped showering then and there, the forward cabin would have flooded.

Investigation by way of lifting the floor in the forward cabin - always a delightful chore after half a shower - revealed a plastic box slightly smaller than the average shoe box with the words "Shower Master" engraved on the lid. Removing the lid exposed the problem: the entire works was gummed up with a concoction of evil smelling slime and human hair.

It took ages to clean and return to full operation, its basic principle being a small submersible bilge pump and float switch. The water entered the box from the shower drain through a small and, as it proved, ineffective filter. As the level of water in the box rose, the float switch energised the pump and the waste was discharged overboard.

That was the principle of operation. Reality was something different.

After the initial cleaning, I thought it would be another year or so before the whole disgusting process needed to be repeated; but sadly it proved to need some sort of attention every two weeks or so. If it wasn't the filter blocking then it would be hair caught around the impeller of the pump.

I have reached the conclusion that this is a piece of equipment that has been designed and put into production without ever being put to the test of daily use; and amazingly, I still see them for sale in the local chandlery!

The final item on the list of things wrong with the shower was the ventilation - or more to the point, the complete absence thereof.

There is a small window into the toilet/shower; fully open it allows six square inches of fresh air to be exposed. As a consequence, after a shower - and even with the most fastidious wiping down of the interior - it took ages for everything to dry.

If the weather was inclement and the window had to be kept shut, the interior became, to all intents and purposes, a little mushroom cave. The atmosphere was perfect for the production of fungus, and the musty smell pervaded throughout. It was obvious that if I was going to live on board, all of these problems needed to be addressed along with all those on the second list, regarding the toilet.

I suppose the kindest thing that could be said about the toilet was that it worked, providing the instructions - engraved on a bronze plaque screwed to the bulkhead - were followed to the letter. People interested in engineering oddities or fascinated by the technology of early plumbing would have had little difficulty in mastering the valve work, while pumping the magnificent teak and bronze lever. Generally though, a blocked toilet was the most usual result.

The second difficulty with this Gothic horror was that all the ancillary pipes, valves and tubes necessitated that it be installed in such a position that it left practically no standing room. Thus, when the toilet was not in use it made everything else that one does in a toilet/shower difficult. Showering was done with the lid shut and sitting on the thing; shaving meant one knee on the lid and one leg on the floor. I can only assume that ladies were able to come up with their own onboard solutions when applying make-up.

STARTING FROM SCRATCH
All in all, the situation in the toilet/shower was totally unsatisfactory for staying aboard for long periods of time. The boat was nearly 20 years old when I bought it and it was obvious that the situation had never been changed because, in all those years, the shower had only been used infrequently. This relates to my original contention at the beginning of this series that a boat suitable for living aboard is not the easiest thing in the world to come across.

Finding the solution to all these problems involved much work and expense - in a way, not a whole lot different from a bathroom makeover in a house.

Firstly the toilet was removed completely and consigned to the dumpster. The "Shower Master" was killed by smashing it with a hammer (I enjoyed that!) and sending it to the same place.

A new electric toilet was ordered and positioned as far outboard as possible. Because it is a far more compact item than a manual one, it was possible to retrieve as much as 200mm of flat floor space - gone are the days of one-legged shaves.

The timber pedestal for the toilet was thus cut back by the maximum amount, and the old toilet floor removed. All the bearers were checked for signs of rot, cleaned, and given a liberal coat of resin. Using waterproof plywood, a new floor was scribed into place. This was given a thorough coating of resin before being attached to the bearers with epoxy glue. I did not want fastenings of any kind penetrating through the floor.

The new pedestal for the toilet was fashioned from the same plywood, treated in the same manner, and glued to the floor and bulkhead. Next, the whole area was glassed over using two-ounce chopped mat and resin. The mat was carried up the side of the bulk-heads at least 100mm to form a waterproof fibreglass base to the whole shower.

Situations of damp, such as exist in the shower compartment of any boat, must be treated with the utmost respect. Rot is a fresh water fungus that just loves these areas and if this project was not done correctly, all that plywood, the bearers underneath and the plywood bulkhead would have rotted away in no time.

After the glasswork had cured, the messy job of sanding back began. Not only was the glass sanded, but all the other surfaces in the toilet/shower were also done as preparation for painting.

The deck headliner, which on the Grand Banks is fabric, was removed. One feels compelled to ask just how long the boat builder thought it would last under daily showering conditions? Anyway, it was replaced with a white gloss laminex plywood, resin coated on the upper side. This provided the easy wipe-down surface that is so important in a shower.

BREATHING SPACE
The problem of ventilation was next addressed. A small 240V exhaust fan was installed next to the window. This involved cutting a 100mm hole right through to the outside of the cabin top, but with a good hole saw it wasn't too difficult.

The fan was wired in to a small control panel where it can be switched on or off. In operation it is very quiet and can be left on for days at a time if need be.

At the base of the cubicle's forward bulkhead, a 300 x 300mm hole was cut and a small fan heater scribed in to fit. This was completely sealed in using Sikaflex marine sealant. There are quite a few different designs available in these fan heaters; I chose one with controls at the rear. The back of the heater fan unit pokes out into the space under my bunk in the forward cabin and the cable for the unit is taken up to the control panel.

The heater was set permanently to high fan/low heat. Power for the heater was taken through a pneumatic timer switch on the control panel, then through an override OFF switch - I'll explain these functions shortly.

The entire cubicle was painted with two coats of gloss enamel paint; the floor was finished in white flowcoat. A drain was cut into the floor and a 12mm hose was attached to it. This hose leads to a Whale Gulpher pump situated in the locker under the sink. No longer does the waste have to drain to a sump, as these diaphragm style pumps are similar to the old fashioned hand operated bilge pumps, and have a few advantages for this style of work.

Firstly, there are no rotating parts in the pumping chamber, so human hair is not a problem. Secondly, they can be run dry so they don't need a constant supply of water to keep them primed. Finally, they make a fair bit of noise so you won't inadvertently leave them on.

The pump outlet is teed into the sink overboard drain. The switch is also wired to the control panel - in this case the required power is 12V.

The wiring for the electric toilet was run in heavy cable from the switchboard, as the macerator/pump motor draws relatively high current. The supplied switch was not used; I control the time the toilet operates with a pneumatic switch set for 20 seconds. The toilet is now operated in much the same manner as a household one: after use, simply press the button and the contents are dispatched to the holding tank.

RUNNING HOT AND COLD
The difficulty in adjusting the shower water temperature was solved by the addition of a third tap in the shower head line. Now the hot and cold taps are never touched; the shower is turned on and off using this third tap, thus the ratio of hot to cold water is always the same and has reduced shower waste water as a result.

The drain pump is switched on and off manually at the control panel, as automatic operation would be difficult to achieve and hardly necessary anyway - rising water around the feet serves as a reminder to turn it on. Likewise, forgetting to turn it off is simply not possible, because when the pump is in operation it sounds like someone having a severe asthma attack in the locker under the sink - it could be more aptly named "Wheezer" than Gulpher!

A solid stainless steel rod was formed to the shape of the cubicle and attached to the bulkheads, which provided the runners to the shower curtain hooks. Two shower curtains needed to be sewn together, but the result was a curtain that can be pulled around almost 270° and keeps most of the cubicle dry during a shower.

After the shower has been used, it is given a quick wipe-down, the curtain drawn round and the timer button for the heater pressed. Warm dry air is now pumped into the cubicle for 20 minutes, which dries every surface and the shower curtain as well. It can also double as a drying locker for towels and other small items of clothing.

The small exhaust fan runs almost constantly when the shore power is connected and this ensures the compartment is always fresh.

HAPPY HUNTING GROUND
So there it is - heaven compared to what I inherited when I bought the boat. This makeover was completed more than six years ago, and in all that time there has never been a hint of mould anywhere. The average household shower recess could hardly boast the same.

The electric toilet performed flawlessly for five years until the macerator unit wore out. I didn't even attempt to repair it, but simply installed a new TMQ from Whitworth's instead. The replacement cost did not warrant repair after that length of constant use.

The heater at the base of the shower has never given me a moment's trouble, and as I write it is still going strong.

The interior has been repainted once to freshen it up a little, and the floor has been re-flowcoated - but this is merely normal maintenance.

Always keep in mind that this area of the boat is in daily use when living aboard, and wear and tear will be much higher than on a boat that is only visited on weekends.

That's it for heavenly showers - more next month. Cheers!